“IT’S hard, perhaps the hardest thing to do, but please, talk.”
That’s the passionate plea from Triple M radio host Dave “Higgo” Higgins, who has gone public with his battle with depression in the hope it encourages others to seek help.
The radio personality, who decided to share his story in the wake of Robin Williams’ tragic death, wrote on the Triple M website that he received a phone call from his mum in 2001 when he was living in Western Australia “that set a course of change in my world”.
“My sister was on the other line as well,” said Higgins.
“Mum proceeded to tell us that we had another brother that she gave up for adoption at birth in 1960.
“It turns out he was living in Western Australia as well and mum had put her name down on some system to allow him to find and then contact her.
“They were planning to meet at mum’s 61st birthday in April of 2002, in Melbourne.”
Just two months later, as Higgins was still getting over the shock of discovering he had a half brother, he received another phone call from his mum who had just been diagnosed with cancer.
“To say this rocked my world is an understatement,” said Higgins.
He immediately flew to Melbourne to be by his mum’s side as she started her treatment.
As his personal life was in turmoil, Higgins finally received some good news on the work front.
“In December 2001 I was offered a job at Fox FM in Melbourne, and, of course, I jumped at it,” said Higgins.
But the good news didn’t last long, with his mum’s health soon taking a turn for the worse after initially responding well to her early treatment.
“I had started my new job, and was burying myself in it,” said Higgins.
“I wanted to make the best possible impression on my new bosses ... a job like this doesn’t come along very often, but every day mum was becoming sicker.
“I was just brushing it off as side effects of her treatment. I was ignorant. I was in denial. I was losing my mum.”
As his mum’s health began to deteriorate rapidly, Higgins reached out to his half brother Craig, who still hadn’t met his mum.
They told him to get to Melbourne as soon as possible. There wasn’t much time left.
“Word came in that Craig was arriving one evening, and by this time, mum wasn’t well, all we could do was be by her side.
“We knew she could hear us as she would furrow or raise her eyebrows in response to things we would say. I would sit by her side, stroking her forearms and we would all remind her that Craig was coming, to just hang on.
“My sister and brother-in-law raced to the airport to pick up Craig and get him back to the hospital.
“As soon as I saw him, I knew he was my brother. He looked almost identical to my brother Warren. It was a bit freaky to be honest.
“After days of laying relatively motionless, with eyes shut, we told mum that Craig was here. She sat up, her eyes opened and she announced, ‘I’ve waited your whole life for this’ and hugged him with the strength of a thousand men.
“The next night, March 13th 2002, mum was gone.”
“I didn’t know it at the time, but this would be the nucleus for my downward spiral into depression,” said Higgins.
He returned to work two weeks after his mum died but he couldn’t shake the pain of her death.
“What I didn’t realise at the time was that I had changed, and not for the better,” said Higgins.
“I had become more abrasive, less tolerable, and while I worked hard, I can only imagine how it must have looked from the outside.
“To their credit, work persisted with me.”
In 2004 Higgins was encouraged by his dad to take an online test through Beyond Blue.
“The results scared me,” said Higgins, “so I ignored them”.
In 2008 Higgins received another wakeup call when a close friend took his own life, but again he pushed his emotions to one side. It wasn’t until 2010 that those feelings caught up with him.
“I was driving back from an outside broadcast at Phillip Island and I fell into a state of mental breakdown,” said Higgins.
“I pulled over at a service station and broke down.
“This was my lowest point of my life and I really didn’t trust myself to drive home in fear of what I might do to myself.
“With help of family on the phone, I made it home. And it was then, I finally realised that I needed help.
“I felt useless, hopeless, pointless, disappointing, I had no self worth, no self esteem,” Higgins said.
“But I went to my GP,” said Higgins, “and that day changed my life”.
“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. To sit down and admit that I had a problem.
“I thought I was weak. I thought I was failing as a man.”
Higgins is now working on several shows on Triple M Melbourne, including the Rush Hour, Distortion and 90s and New Rock at Night.
He’s on medication and despite occasional dips in mood, insists he’s a much happier person now that he’s asked for help.
“I haven’t written this story for sympathy,” Higgins said.
“I’ve written this to share my own challenges and to assure anyone who happens to read this that you are not alone.
“The world will not be the same without you. Don’t fight it on your own. Ask for help. It’s hard, perhaps the hardest thing to do, but please, talk.”
You can read Higgo’s full story on the Triple M Melbourne website and you can follow him on Twitter.
If you, or someone you know needs help, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or go to the Beyond Blue website.
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